Unofficially Official

So apparently the 'unofficial' official word (a.k.a. the rumor mill) is in:

THERE WILL BE NO EPs SUBMITTED IN JANUARY.

Yes, you heard me correctly.


The Korean Government has stated (somewhere to someone) that there will be no EP processing in January.   No word yet (officially or unofficially) about February.


Okay, truth be told I've know for a few days.  I just did not know how to put the words running around in my head into coherent and legible English suitable for a quasi-public adoption blog that not only my 13 year old cousin could read, but that could also one day be turned into a PG13 family-style book suitable for placement on my coffee table.   Unfortunately the only words that I could visualize were very angry, abrasive, blaring ones, like harsh neon signs, that were also utterly inappropriate, though totally understandable, and probably forgivable under the circumstances.

I also knew that, had I put pen to paper, those same harsh words would have probably brought about a slew of sympathy, which (at that time) I was just not ready to hear.  Because in that moment, a flood of sympathy (although well meaning) would have sounded like misplaced orchestra music on a bad horror movie soundtrack, meant to add value and substance to the moment, but really only serving to amplifying an already uncomfortable, painful, desperate situation; shining a bright spotlight on the new timeline of my ever increasing wait -- something I wasn't ready to deal with.

So I said nothing.


Now, days later, I'm a lot calmer, or maybe I've simply become numb.   Who knows really?  Either way, those bad words with Nikes that were running around in my head at 100 miles an hour seemed to have gone off on vacation, or maybe they have all taken a "mental day", because in the last day or so my jumbled thoughts on this EP mess have become suspiciously still.

Which is why, into the now very quiet echoing chambers of that portion of my mind put aside solely for "adoption purposes", I have begun pouring lots of positive scripture.  I guess my point is that I can sulk or I can pray.  I can cry or I can pray (or at least cry AND pray).   I can mope or I Can Pray.    And since I've never been one to stay moody for too long (might be some kind of ADHD issue, who knows), I have decided...  you guessed it...   to focus on prayer.    And praise.    And family.    And friends.

Oh yes, and shopping.   ...for my son that is.

Fighting to not allow this nightmare, which I have no control over, to take control of me.