EXHALE (VP Notice)

So who knew I was waiting to exhale?  I certainly didn't.   But when I saw that email with the second 2 most beautiful letters in the world - V.P. (second only to the letters E.P.), well I nearly fainted!   Or more like I hyper ventilated!   I think I stared at the subject portion of the email for a full 60 seconds before I began yelling at the top of my lungs for my husband.  You would think an alligator just broke into my home and was standing guard at my refrigerator the noise I was making.   Needless to say he came running into to room to make sure no one was killing me, or making off with his 59" TV.

I was so sure that the email was a mirage that I didn't want to risk reading it for fear it would disappear, so I had my husband read it to me.   And sure enough, it was our notice that Kwon had been scheduled for his VP (visa physical).    

Hallelujah!!!!   

Four days ago:  10 months, 1 week, and 5 days of waiting since receiving our referral, we finally began to see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.  

Now being scheduled for his VP does not in any way mean that this race is done.  Kwon still needs to have his EP (exit permit) submitted and approved by the Korean government before he would be allowed to leave Korea for his new home; but this VP appointment is definitely a step in the right direction.   

With EP submissions stalled since last October we (my fellow AP moms-in-waiting and myself) have been on edge with nervous anticipation, waiting on news of the first set of EP submissions for the year.  January was tough.  We all truly expected EPs to resume sometime during the first week of the new year, and when they didn't it was heartbreaking...  heart shattering!   Our new hope is that EP submissions resume this February (as in the next few days)  …Fingers crossed.  

So here's to many more VP's, and a whole lot of EP's this coming week!!! 

BTW...  Even though I still haven't been able to read that email, I did let out a huge sigh of relief.

      

New WBC & Pics

 

Wow... so after all the downs over the last few weeks it was REALLY great to finally have an "up".    We received a wonderful WBC today with great updates on our son.  In addition to that, we also received two beautiful new pictures of him.  It was amazing to see how much he's grown... like a weed.  But even more than him growing was how much his face and features seem to be maturing.   All the 'chubby baby goodness' is being aged right out of him, and in its place is blossoming the most adorable little boy.

I am sad to see that little baby face leave.  Especially since I never had the chance to caress it or kiss it or pat it dry after a fall leaves it covered in tears.   But I am also filled with joy and pride at watching my little man emerge... booming personality and all.   :o)

So, without any further delay, here is a brief update on how our son is learning, growing and discovering toddlerhood in Korea:

• He walks... yes, but we already knew this one.   :)
• He runs!  
• He picks up small objects and throws them.  As long as its not food.
• He kicks and throws ball overhead.   Hmm... sounds a bit like Pele... or David Beckham!!!
• Likes to jump!  Really? On something in particular?  Or just "around"?  Like Kriss-Kross.
• Walks backwards.   So cool.  My boy can moonwalk!!!
• Holds on to railing to walk up stairs.  Nice!  (note to self:  buy more gates!)
• Scribbles, or as his auntie the writer said:  budding writer!
• Stacks 4 cubes, or as his uncle the engineer said: budding engineer!  (really people?!)
• Uses spoon & fork!  Yay!   Wait...  Together???  Now that would be something to see...lol
• Waves bye bye.  Awww....
• Drinks from a cup (hopefully a sippy cup and not a margarita glass)
• Has increased his vocabulary and knows how to string two words together.  Awesome!
• Washes hands!  Good for you kiddo, because we all know grandma's rule about the kitchen.
• Brushes teeth.   Nice!  Good boy.
• Helps around the house.  Now THAT is a neat trick.  My husband hopes it means he shovels snow.

 
  

NB:  The pics have been placed in my album on Facebook. 

Please view them there.  Thanks!  :)

     

SCREAM

 

  AAAAHHHHHH!!!!

   

"With such confusion...

Don't it make you wanna scream!!!"

  

...more and more and more bad news.  
 
drowning in bad news. 

         

Unofficially Official

So apparently the 'unofficial' official word (a.k.a. the rumor mill) is in:

THERE WILL BE NO EPs SUBMITTED IN JANUARY.

Yes, you heard me correctly.


The Korean Government has stated (somewhere to someone) that there will be no EP processing in January.   No word yet (officially or unofficially) about February.


Okay, truth be told I've know for a few days.  I just did not know how to put the words running around in my head into coherent and legible English suitable for a quasi-public adoption blog that not only my 13 year old cousin could read, but that could also one day be turned into a PG13 family-style book suitable for placement on my coffee table.   Unfortunately the only words that I could visualize were very angry, abrasive, blaring ones, like harsh neon signs, that were also utterly inappropriate, though totally understandable, and probably forgivable under the circumstances.

I also knew that, had I put pen to paper, those same harsh words would have probably brought about a slew of sympathy, which (at that time) I was just not ready to hear.  Because in that moment, a flood of sympathy (although well meaning) would have sounded like misplaced orchestra music on a bad horror movie soundtrack, meant to add value and substance to the moment, but really only serving to amplifying an already uncomfortable, painful, desperate situation; shining a bright spotlight on the new timeline of my ever increasing wait -- something I wasn't ready to deal with.

So I said nothing.


Now, days later, I'm a lot calmer, or maybe I've simply become numb.   Who knows really?  Either way, those bad words with Nikes that were running around in my head at 100 miles an hour seemed to have gone off on vacation, or maybe they have all taken a "mental day", because in the last day or so my jumbled thoughts on this EP mess have become suspiciously still.

Which is why, into the now very quiet echoing chambers of that portion of my mind put aside solely for "adoption purposes", I have begun pouring lots of positive scripture.  I guess my point is that I can sulk or I can pray.  I can cry or I can pray (or at least cry AND pray).   I can mope or I Can Pray.    And since I've never been one to stay moody for too long (might be some kind of ADHD issue, who knows), I have decided...  you guessed it...   to focus on prayer.    And praise.    And family.    And friends.

Oh yes, and shopping.   ...for my son that is.

Fighting to not allow this nightmare, which I have no control over, to take control of me.

 

18 Month Old

  

My darling son, today you're 18 months old...   
  

And I still don't know if you're ever coming home.

Tragic.

Things are just static 

I feel like I'm caught up in some crazy voodoo magic:

Some dark force that's keeping us apart.

But I must trust God and follow my heart.

Believing that His timing is perfect,

Cause if prayer is gonna work 

Then baby we've gotta trust it.

Knowing that He's the King of Kings 

And He's got His hand in everything;

So I gotta give God the glory

For all that He's given me.

Including you, my boy, who

Although greatly overdue

Is eventually,

Definitely,

Unconditionally,

And forever will be,

A part of me.

~love Mommy

     

    

Silence

Today makes it 9 months, 3 weeks, and 3 days since we first saw our son.

I remember soon after our mid-March referral a rep from our agency telling us jokingly: "I can't say for sure but I'll bet the farm you'll be traveling before it gets too warm."   :o)

Well, it got warm...  and I remember my son's birthday cake melting in the open air of our backyard during his early July birthday party (minus one birthday boy).  

And then it got hot. Very hot.  103 degrees to be exact.  But we kept our spirits high with the knowledge that we were next; that we would definitely have him in our arms before it got cool again.

Except it did get cool.....fast.  So much so it snowed in October... no, really.  Who would have thought?  But there was no movement... we still didn’t have him yet.  

It was okay though, because we kept telling ourselves that we were next; that for sure we’d have him in time for the holidays!   Now that would be something!

Except that’s not what happened.

Word finally came that we were not next. That we would not travel as expected.... that we would not have him in time for the holidays...

...And then it got cold.

And, by golly, it just keeps getting colder.

Because silence is cold.  

And that is all we have for now  --  silence.
  
  

Happy New Year!

  


Happy New Year Everyone!

Wishing you and your family the very best for the new year!  May our Father in Heaven bestow upon you love, peace, wisdom, and prosperity, and may you experience joy abundantly!